by Yemi Lekuti, Ph.D., LPC, CGP
By now, it is apparent that we cannot escape from being worried, anxious, sad, or upset about certain things and situations. We can acknowledge that our brain is meant to send signals to make us aware of what is happening. However, what happens when those signals fire off warnings that do not exist, or you do not have proof of? There are those who even struggle to recognize that normal things to feel nervous or anxious about is not an indicator of anxiety. However, people who deal with anxiety know all too well the struggles of the constant ruminations of fear, worry, and anxiousness when doing seemingly normal in their everyday life. They are plagued with catastrophizing thoughts that seem to negatively affect their day. They are momentarily trapped in the world of “what if…”
…but what do you do when you KNOW the place of “what if” is not likely, but you are still feeling the psychosomatic experience of what you were thinking? What do you do when logic is not calming you down?
It is important to recognize that when your sympathetic nervous system, the network of nerves that sends signals throughout your body when you are stressed or threatened, is ‘activated’, the cortisol hormone is released that makes your heart beat faster, pupils dilate, feel butterflies in your stomach, or even shaky. You may even become hyperaware of your surroundings as you try to identify the ‘threatening’ thing or situation. This system is basically ‘in control’ until you have calmed down enough to recognize and acknowledge that you are not in danger. As you start to remind yourself that you are in danger, the parasympathetic nervous system, nerves that relax the body following a real or perceived danger, takes over because you feel safe, and you know it.
When you are in a state of panic, it takes the body time to recognize that it is not in danger before your body starts the process of relaxing. In other words, your brain is in a heightened state of emotions to recognize the validity of the logic or fact. This can be frustrating because you know, sometimes after the fact, that logically you are not in danger; however, when you are stressed, you can only fixate on the stressful or threatening thought.
Biologically, your body can only remain in a heightened state for so long, and the tolerance of the duration and intensity varies from person to person. This is why it is important to not immediately go into thinking logically because then you are more likely to become annoyed that you are not calming down ‘fast enough’. It is not that your brain and body are rejecting logic; it is more likely that you have not comforted yourself yet.
Acknowledge your emotions in this emotional state by comforting yourself. It may mean you need to step aside from something important to gather yourself, lie down, listen to music, journal, or do diaphragmatic breathing. Find the calming activity that you like to use. This is the activity that prepares your body and brain to tap into the nerves that make up the parasympathetic nervous system. Ignoring emotions intensifies emotions.
Normalize your experience. Do you remember what your self-talk sounds like when you are feeling anxious? Most often than not, your mind tells you that you are stupid or alone for feeling anxious. Guide yourself into examining the reality of the situation instead of believing the feelings are fact. Normalizing the experience reminds you that you are not alone in feeling anxiety, and it can be very distressing.
Welcome reason and rationale. As your body starts to relax, you can start to see how ‘easy’ it is to accept logic into the situation. Now you may recognize that you are feeling better and breathing more normally, and hopefully, through enough practice, empower yourself to combat anxious thoughts. In this space, be mindful of how your self-talk sounds once you are feeling better. It is an unproductive practice to beat yourself up after coming out of feeling intense anxiety.
