Author: Dr. Yemi Lekuti
We talk about allyship as if it is the savior of social justice or the plague that needs to be avoided. Depending on your stance on any social justice issue, you have investigated how to be an ally to get some understanding. This is your baseline, but many people stop here, which is an issue. The stagnation of allyship occurs when one cannot see or empathize with the plight of the marginated. Allyship involves entering the trenches as you address and chip away at the comforts of unchallenged societal constructs. Allyship consists of recognizing the nuances of social justice and having the mental capacity to acknowledge when we have gotten things wrong. Being an ally extends beyond celebrating the month for other cultures; it is a lifelong journey committed to acknowledging social shortcomings that impact marginalized populations. This is not an instructional approach to being an ally; this is a call for putting a stop to the cookie-cutter approach to being an ally.
I was taught to be obedient. This teaching ran deep in my culture that when I sensed something was wrong, my heart would pound incredibly loud in my ear out of desperation to say something, yet I would remain silent. This still happens today, but I speak with a shaky voice. Being quiet was no longer working. Neither was the fear of what others may think. I remember doing that to a white male professor during the last course of my Ph.D. program. He had a black female student present a video to the class, and we discussed it. We were talking about isomorphism – the concept that a particular phenomenon occurring in the therapy room mimics the outside world. The Black therapist-in-training had a White female co-therapist – blonde, blue eyes, and tall. As the professor supervised the therapist-in-training, the guidance turned left entirely when he posed: “I wonder how this client sees you, a handicapped black woman working next to a beautiful, white female.” Complete cringe.
The other Ph.D. students chimed in about the supervisory process, and that was when it began. My heart was pounding – hard. I heard several students who professed to be feminists (which the professor also aligned with) give feedback to the student about her video. My head started to pound, and my ears were ringing. I could not hear anything. Then it got quiet, and it was palpable. SAY SOMETHING! I started to tremble, and there was a ball in my throat. The silence was deafening. I couldn’t raise my hand.
“I wonder how she [the black therapist-in-training] feels when you compare her to the white co-therapist.”
Silence.
Challenging a system is difficult, especially against any form of power, privilege, or oppression. In this case, it was academic, ableist, racial, intelligence, and gender power. That is the point of allyship: the commitment to addressing systemic issues that leave the marginalized unprotected and unsupported and being dedicated to identifying those issues when it is inconvenient and uncomfortable. What happened in that classroom mirrored what happens to many BIPOCs. After a black person identified the problem, others chimed in. After class, they disclosed they thought it but “did not know if they should say something.”
When I think of allyship, I wonder if any heterosexual individuals protested with the LGBTQ+ during the Stonewall Riots in 1969. I think of the White people who joined Martin Luther King, Jr. in the march from Selma to Montgomery, Alabama. I also think about the White people who were part of the Freedom Riders in 1961. I wondered if they understood the gravity of what they were up against. Did they lose family and friends for being allies for racial and civil rights? Would they return to their all-white neighborhoods to return to the comfort their privilege affords them, or did they keep fighting the fight?
Performative allyship or virtue signaling does more harm than we realize. It demonstrates the free will to shut off issues that do not impact us. It is a show for others to see us do nothing to challenge and improve the status quo. It is putting a black square on your social media profile and being silent about racial massacres. It shows that more work needs to be done.
‘Doing the work’ demonstrates proactively stepping outside our comfort zone, constantly challenging our thoughts, and asking all the questions. It means not getting it right the first or third time. It means challenging your circle and the ideologies they hold. It is beyond asking yourself if a specific behavior is considered cultural appropriation. It is not about finding a solution to minimize discomfort with an issue. It is not about you; it is about how you make the conscious decision to address the problems that impact those who do not look like you. You may even want local officials to solidify these changes to reflect inclusivity.
Recognize that allyship pushes you to the front with those who look like you while placing you next to or behind those impacted. Allyship will only sometimes be seen.
“If you want to make the world a better place, you gotta look at YOURSELF and make a change.”
I love that song even more now.
